So on YouTube this OneFineStay advert pops up so it looks promising and I start picking lovely homes and flats I’d like to rent for 10 days in London. After weeks of emails back and forth and back and forth (my email needed a holiday more than I did) I decided to rename them OneYouCan’tStay. Folks with homes sign up and say they are available but they aren’t, except maybe for 2 weeks when those folks are going on their own holiday and want a little extra pocket cash. So the calendar says they are available the company calls the actual house owner and gets a “Oh no, not that week, oh goodness no that won’t do at all”. Patience ensues and you start by picking 3 choices, which turns into 6 choices, then 8, then 12, then 15…etc. All with the same reply, “Oh, no, not that week, oh goodness no that won’t do at all”. So I tried, I really did…gave the new company a chance but then decided to go back to the tried and true “Holiday Lettings”. I wanted to confirm where I was staying so I could plan what I wanted to do based on nearby tube stations and grocery stores. So I’ve found me a lovely flat, on the Thames (well not on it cuz it’s not a boat and doesn’t float) but next to it, right near St. Paul’s and the Millenium Bridge. The tube station is nearby or I can just walk across the bridge to see the H.M.S. Belfast, the Globe Theatre, Tate Modern and I’ve got a full size Tesco’s close by.
Harry Potter tour all confirmed with voucher and so are my tickets to see “Wicked”. Being the completely anal dude that I am I know precisely where I will be almost at any given time. I’ve decided to stop for pastries and ice-cream at Fortnum & Masons because it does look like a rather nice shop to poke my nose into. I have also planned (at long last) a trip to the Queen’s Gallery (not the Drag Queen’s Gallery but Lizzie’s little picture hall) and in honour of Miss Kate Middleton who I guess is Mrs. Willie now a trip to the National Portrait Gallery of which she is a patron (as will I be if I pay to go in). Then it’s off to the Tower Bridge Experience where I’m almost pretty certain they will let me raise and lower the bridge (won’t they?).
Now appparently some dude named Sir Drake went on a wee voyage so they did a replica of his boat “The Golden BeHinde” or some such thing so I shall be on the bridge and ready for duty on May 24th. That will be followed up by a Jack the Ripper Tour where I shall perform surgery on some ladies of the evening (I hope my plastic, airplane approved, cutlery will do the trick).
Then it’s off to do Westminster Abbey (the big church thingy) and the Westminster Cathedral (much smaller church thingy) but great view from observation deck thanks to Mr. Frank Warrender who used to sneak relatives up there and they told him he really ought to open it to the public (a very secret place to go in London for an amazing view, forget the London Eye…this spot is my secret spot).
Then it’s off to Greenwich to visit the mean time ( I don’t know how time can be mean although if it has anything to do with putting wrinkles and whiskers on old women then I suppose it is pretty mean). I hear it’s got the history of boats and such there too.
And last but not least the Welcome Collection which is apparently a lot of jars filled with assorted human body parts (which if I’m a successful ripper means I may have my own mason jar to add to their collection). Think I should perhaps bring my own pickle jar just in case they haven’t any spares.
4 months and counting folks but just wanted to update you on OneYouCan’tStay.
