London – Adventures in flat renting

Baxter’s Trip to London 2012

Baxter Returns

Yup it’s that time again when I decide on 10 places to travel and narrow it down to one. Although I was just in London in 2010 I’m heading back…why? Because the Harry Potter Warner Brothers Studio Tour opens April 1st so you gotta do what you gotta do. My last London trip included a stop in Durham (part of Potter was filmed there) and Alnwick (yup Potter filmed there too). So I’m back, got my tickets to the studio for May 28th and lo and behold a British Airways seat sale was on. Now I got me my airline tickets and Harry Potter tickets and am trying out a new company called Onefinestay that finds you a pretty house to stay in. Fingers crossed it will be near the Bond Street Tube station. So far they are super prompt in getting back to me and now I just await the confirmation of which house I’m in.

 

Since this new company is so new they aren’t anywhere like Trip Advisor or Fodors, I’ll let you know how it goes with them. I always rent me a house because it’s way more fun than a hotel and you can pack half the luggage as you have your own washer/dryer and full kitchen (so meals are cheap). My favourite houses so far was one in Alnwick (1/2 a block from the castle) and another in Ireland. I even had a villa in Barbizon, France (what a crazy adventure that was).

 

So the countdown begins, 6 months from now I’ll be in the air on the way to Heathrow in my upgraded seat. My first ever trip on British Airways. Please no volcanic ash this time though it made for some interesting London pictures with that dark sky and bright sun.

 

Stay tuned to this channel for all your Harry Potter Studio info and how good or scary it is to book with Onefinestay.

Just Another Manic Sunday (with no cherry on top)

Renege – To fail to carry out a promise or commitment. Well that’s not me…no siree. I told them I’d check out Harley’s little cafe “The Fusion” at Glendale Gardens. I mean really, how hippie chickpea and wheatgrass could a Sunday brunch be? So donning my coat (which is not like darning and does not involve needles or thread) I set out. After the required 2 trips to the loo (I get excited over the saddest things or was it terror over the upcoming gastronomic experience) we arrived to find it was rather more like a few chairs and a snack bar with chalk board. The “brunch” menu was scribbled on the board and my anxiety was truly enhanced (where’s the toilet?). Let’s see…Bagel with goat (baaaa!),  Duck, Duck…Pig (no thanks) and finally her version of Eggs Benedict (minus the Benedict), duck eggs with blue cheese (I’ll take 6 Immodium to go please). The only thing with “duck” in it was me ducking out. So I did go to the Fusion Cafe as promised….I just didn’t eat there.

The day continued in a similar vein when I stumbled accidentally upon the Gay Pride parade. It seemed to involve topless Lesbians with pasties, balloons, more pastie  Lesbians, more balloons, and no men with pasties on their dangly bits (which seemed sexist and unfair to me). We turned around and headed off to see “Horrible Bosses” and let me tell you this fair citizens of earth. There is nothing horrible about Jennifer Aniston, naked except for a lab coat and white lace panties. I’m just saying…and for those of you that prefer boys, Jason Bateman is kinda hot for a boy and for those boys that like balloons and parades their is the always adorable Kevin Spacey.

Some people have horrible bosses, other’s have horrible co-workers who after they depart the establishment at which they worked are still stalked incessantly by co-workers. After a brief visit to the Maritime Museum it was off to the waterfront in search of said co-worker.

Carefully taking up my stalking position behind a rack of canoes, I endeavored to get photographs of Dan, Dan, the wooden boat man. Since he was afar and I was a near and wanted both of us in the shot (to proove my exceptional stalking abilities), I discovered that no matter what I did one or both of us would be blurry. I was thus spotted (not like a Dalmation) and confronted but my alibi was solid. I was there to deliver an envelope or so I said. I had put his name on it, stolen some stationery from a local establishment and made it look very official. I managed some degree of chit chat, keeping the boat man occupied but not so overlong that he suspected a stalking. Then I feigned that I got lost on departing (oh me…oh my…I think I’ve been locked in. Whatever shall I do?). Forcing the boat man to further delay his departure and extend my stalking for a few minutes longer.

At last I departed for my home and the end of another Sunday in the life of Baxter. Now pause for a moment while I upload my blurry photo and until we meet again. Happy stalking.

Behind the Scenes

Baxter and Spooky the Ghost (who doesn't say boo!)

Baxter here…..this directing movies stuff sure is time consuming. I am actually sort of keeping out of trouble what with script changes, editing and then there is all the various tracks of sound we are putting into this extravaganza. I’m not content with what little research has gone into my topic so yesterday I was off on assignment to investigate just who is Thomas Slater and how many buildings did he put up on his property back in 1909.

Todays search took me to the bowels of the University of Victoria, past the array of young students with laptops, seemingly scattered haphazzardly around the MacPherson Library and all the way down the stairs to the archives. As usual I had the archives to myself, except for the gentleman at the desk. Armed with my little blue sheet of paper (to give them all my personal information should I sneak out with more priceless antiquities), 2 pencils and of course my handy purple notebook. I had the call numbers and the file numbers which I duly handed over. That is when the hunt began. Apparently blueprints from 1909 are not in such pristine condition so they were all photocopied, the originals locked away in the vaults forever….or were they? Hmmm! I thinketh noteth. For my files were of Rosemead…a little house on Lampson Street (well not that little). The search continued for the files till at last my trusty assistant gave up and agreed (just this one time) to pull out the originals. I thought briefly about washing my muddy little paws but decided….nah!

You see I was trying to determine if in fact there was just one house erected and built on the site in 1909 or whether, perchance, the carriage house was also erected at this time. After going carefully over the blueprints (that Maclure guy could really draw), I determined that if the carriage house did go up it was likely later and was even more likely not a Maclure design. Next up was a book my archive slave presented, all about that Maclure guy…a.k.a. Sam. He was kinda cute for a boy. I suspect his hair may have been red and it was curly. Slim guy…not bad looking except for the beard. I wonder if all architects are good looking? Rattenbury was and now Maclure (they worked together for a wee bit). I didn’t learn much except that I need to go back and do the great microfilm hunt.

I hate microfilm hunting!! It gives me a headache and an eye ache and it’s…well…just plain nasty. Still good old UVic has an entire centre…The Microform Centre thingy….and they have the Victoria Colonist back to the 1800′s including the years I want like 1934, 1939, and the 1960′s. Guess that’s next Monday’s adventure. Time to stock up on Advil for my nasty headache…and sharpen a few more pencils.

Wish me luck….maybe I can sneak a photo of me looking at the microfilms…maybe not. We’ll see. In the meantime I’ve got to get busy finishing the ghostly walk part of my movie, with help from my editor, Mr. Joe.

Parabnormal-Just another ghost quest!

Knock..Knock

With Halloween looming I decided on a ghost theme for my weekend adventure. Jumping on the Google I searched for haunted spots in Victoria. Hmmm…Empress Hotel? Nah…no parking, too pricey, Gatsby Manor (been there done that), Cherry Bank Hotel (torn down), James Bay Inn (bean there dun that). Wait…the Olde English Inn on Lampson…isn’t that closed? Wait…what’s this? Reopened as the English Inn and Resort now…ladies and gentlemen we have a winner. All I needed was my assorted ghost hunting parafanalia (that is so NOT how you spell that) and a snow globe (wait for the YouTube video folks).

So there we were on 10-10-10 not getting married (cuz that’s what you’re supposed to do on 10-10-10) but trying to check into the Inn. They don’t exactly have a front desk…well technically they do actually…an actual desk (not a counter). Could this be the only hotel that actually has a front desk and not a front counter? Very interesting…never thought about it before. I shall give them a point for that. Our room wasn’t ready but it was only 2pm but they gave us our key..a real live key..no plastic swipey card (wow…no hotels do that) and let us meander the grounds. We weren’t in the main house but in the Carriage House (no babies, no baby carriages and no horses luckily). We bravely made our way past our door knocker (see blog photo of scary door knocker) and into our suite. I loved the goofy shaped doors (not the Disney dog) and we had a four poster bed and an old fireplace that now had a goofy (not the Disney dog) electric fireplace insert inside the old brick fire place. It looked daffy (not the Disney duck). Still it was all very quaint and cozy and didn’t feel scary or ghosty or anything.

Armed with a camera we set out to invesitgate (also known as snooping where we shouldn’t and peering into windows) we soon discovered what was the one cause of the past demise of the property. Seems some folks aren’t that bright and come up with ideas that don’t work. See they figured instead of open lovely grounds with lawns that you can easily mow, they would spend all their money not on room updates, comfy beds, new windows, spiderweb control or advertising but instead they would landscape. Now it already looked really purdy but no…up went bushes and trees and bushes and flowers and weeds and bushes and some trees and more weeds and maybe a flower with assorted weeds and then some vast quantities of weeds. This was to section off the property almost into private mansions that guests could stay in. So now it’s all closed off and very weedy (did I mention weeds?) but mainly and very incredibly overgrown. For our purposes only it worked. You see by enclosing all the mansions in tall trees and shrubbery and weeds and spiders it makes it super spooky. Just what you want when you’re filming a movie about the Parabnormal. So thousands of dollars spent just to keep me and my ghost hunting team happy (we appeciate the bankruptcy you suffered purely for our personal entertainment). Once the sun went down we ventured forth with our movie and still camera and with the crunch crunch of gravel and leaves beneath our feet and the wind in the trees it truly was the most ghostly walk in Victoria.

Wait….I learned something else too. Did you know that the replica of Anne Hathaways cottage is an exact replica of the original and that the one now in Stratford in England is a replica of this replica (because the original Anne Hathaway Cottage burned down so….they had to rebuild based on the one in Victoria here). So the replica is older than the one in England.

My Mom says she liked the place better when it was full of antiques and armour and they had proper tours of the exact replica of the Hathaway place (which is now just a conference room). They really need to turn the place back into a tourist attraction because they can never charge enough for a room to even pay for the amount of gardeners to upkeep the place. On that note I managed to find an old brochure of the place from the 1950′s on Ebay when it was one of Victoria’s top attractions (that and the Fable Cottage).

I will try to have my Parabnormal movie up by Halloween……..think Citizen Kane meets Baxter and his band of Ghost Hunters. I have a lot of investigating to do as well at the local archives at UVic and the museum. I’m trying to find out more about Thomas Harry Slater (he died in 1933 so I’m diggin up his obit to see what I can find out about him). Mr. Slater was the original owner back in 1906. I’m a gonna learn you some things whether you like it or not.

Wish me luck on my investigation and I shall make you a wonderful ghost movie so that you can enjoy our weekend at the English Inn & Resort.

Leaf It Alone

Waiting for fall...

Another weekend another adventure…kinda…sorta. This Sunday I decided to attempt the drive up Mount Doug. Forecast was sunny (except the fact it was cloudy and raining) so we thought a wee drive up and a lookie loo. Pulling into the parking it we found our plans foiled (not the tin kind)…road closed…again. Is it never open? Ever? Frustrated but still unbelievably cute we said, “Foo..foo..” and decided to drive over to UVic and do Finnerty Gardens instead. Another foil but wait…perhaps we could break the rules. Sure they said the parking lots were all closed, couple of barriers up and sure there was a run on with yet more pink balloons but no one was about, lots were empty, everyone appeared to be packing up. We figured it was over so we parked up anyway, performed a barrier move and wandered the garden. Too early for Fall colours, too late for flowers, but…wait…one lowley red leaf doth found me and my journey was naught for naught. We didn’t stay too long as we decided the weather was not cooperating (did I mention the sunny forecast?). Off to the Unversity Cinemas on Shelbourne where we had a coupon for a free movie, free pop and free popcorn.

Today’s feature…”The Social Network”. It was really pretty darn good with nifty dialogue (that’s kinda like smart conversation), good casting (no not in bronze) and a super cute guy (or so sayeth my Mom) who played twins since apparently there aren’t two, super cute, 6 ft 5 in, smart, rowing twins who are actors. His name is Armie Hammer and we thought it reminded us of Arm and Hammer and lo and behold that’s exactly the family he is in. But it’s not what you might think. Armand Hammer was believed to be named after the product or brand, not the other way around. The arm and hammer is a Russian symbol. Anyway Armie’s on my watch list, I think he’s going to be super famous. I like to think I discovered people in their first movies or TV show that I knew would be famous like Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts, Greg Kinnear, and now Armie Hammer. Let’s see if I’m right.

I decided to spend the rest of my weekend planning next weekend’s adventure. I want to make a YouTube video called…wait for it….Parabnormal. Get it? Paranormal meets abnormal. Had to find a location though, perhaps somewhere haunted. Already done the Gatsby Mansion and the Cherry Bank was torn down and then…yup…I found it. The old Olde English Inn which closed has now reopened as The English Inn and Resort (only thing missing is the resort??). Anyways I’m off next Sunday night to find me a ghost or at least film something parabnormal. Watch this space!

Doug and the Slugs

"Slimy Slug Trail" Mt. Dougie

It was starting to look like a bleak weekend of no adventure though I had worked hard on Sunday, doing my stop animation film (music and voice work still to come). Trying to do animation to a musical dance number is difficult but success laid it’s wrinkled and spotted old hand upon us. Taking a brain rest we rented a movie which was not compatible with brain rest and had to be followed verr we carefull lee. It was called Ghost Writer with some Bronson guy (not Charles) and some Ewan MacGregor guy. Kind of Hitchcocky…suspense so pretty good.

Monday dawned overcast which changed to sun and blue sky so adventure was back on the books. I decided to pick up the Lockside Trail (didn’t find a lock though, pad or otherwise). Not even a lock of hair. I was going to walk over the little lake thingy but veered off on the little greenway thing that runs over to Galey’s farm. That’s when I saw them. Nasty grasshopper guys (which I hate) so I didn’t enjoy the view cuz I was busy dodging the grasshoppers at my feet. I guess they were out trying to get a tan, instead of hiding out in the long dry grass. After my hopper skipping I arrived at Galey’s farm but it was very quiet. Just a few cobs of corn, an old potato, some yammy thing and an evil pumpkin. I didn’t even check my pocket for change as nothing apeeled to me, not even an apple.

Making my way back across the hopper stretch I headed North towards Mount Dougie, along Shelbourne.  I knew that the road up was closed Monday mornings but apparently it is closed until 3:15 pm so I thought the little trail would take me up. A smart person would hike up the road, specially if they didn’t know where the path led. Not being one of those people, I ventured forth past trees that have an extermination date on them while trying to avoid the vast quantities of mud that was the trail. No gum boots on though, so me feet got a wee bit sticky. I continued along, watching my step when I realised that in addition to the mud there were other slimy bits that were the remnants of a recent visitor of the slug family. Twern’t long till I found several of the culprits of the slimy green variety, making their way slowly up the mountain. Don’t know which I hate the most….grasshoppers or slugs. Now I switched into slug avoidance mode whilst becoming aware that perhaps the sluggy muddy trail didn’t lead to the summitt at all but divided into a zillion different trails on which I’d get lost forever. I’d soon had enough of nature and decided to return to the car and civilization. Maybe next time I’ll go on a Sunday when the road is open, I have yet to go to the top of Mount Dougie so it continues to be on my “to do” list.

Grapes of Wrath – The Kidnap Caper

In Search of Lost Treasure with Baxter, Snuzie and Norbert

I was supposed to go flying…a nice innocent glacier flyover in a Cessna with Glacier Air. Instead I was set up and framed. Some sort of British Conspiracy I suspect. I was put in the front of the ferry alongside the Lieutenant Governor of B.C. (I took his photo in a stealth like manner). He was let off the ferry before us, then they waited until he was a minute or two ahead before they allowed us to follow him. He pulled over though and let us pass. I suspect that drugs were placed in my ferry french fries, for in a matter of hours I would be unaware of my actions and in no way party to what would occur.

At almost precisely 1:20 pm we arrived in Burnaby to find our kidnap victim sitting dejectedly on the curb, his crumped bag of surplus store clothing resting on the cement beside him. He didn’t fight when we applied duct tape. We had filled our trunk with supplies and since he seemed resigned to his fate we squished him into the back seat and headed off. Our first stop was the Squamish Tourist Info Centre to call and check on the status of our Cessna but our little flight was cancelled just because clouds had descended into the valley and were lower than the mountain peaks. Phoning was somewhat difficult due to the telephone handset being in a rather sad state of repair (Repair is the new 51st state…Gawd Bless America!). With dashed hopes of flying above the hanging glacier we went with plan B. Geo-Caching at Alice Lake (it’s like hunting for treasure with two of them G.P.S. thingamabobs and coordinates). I departed the vehicle with my accomplices (the Snuzmiester and Norbert) and with the expertise of our kidnap victim Matt and the old guy I call Dad, we found all 3 of the boxes of treasure, wether they be hidden in rock or tree stump. We did the entire circumfrance (something they do to little baby boys in Paris) of the lake but soon noticed an increase in liquid using gravity to locate our unprotected heads.

From here it all gets a little hazy (and maybe some fog too). I can not remember the name of the hotel up on top of the mountain (due to legal reasons) but we checked in to our upgraded “Cliff” view room without any view of the cliff but rather a view of a swimming pool, 2 hot tubs, various folks in bathing costumes, and the gondola cables and the opening for the gondola which a certain Matt insisted was a downhill trail to the village. I recall some sort of noodle/pasta dish minus cheese and a shuttle bus (not that one normally has a shuttle bus with their pasta) and a little of rain. The drugs from the ferry french fries were now removing large portions of memory from my brain. I have flashes of course. A village, a “Bear” hat, an “Elk” hat a “Wolf” hat, possibly a Moose slingshot and two wooly balls of moose and squirl. Hmm then..a grocery store (called the Grocery Store) and a bag of green grapes. There was a lot of rain and it was dark and my memories become less clear. Furry moose balls and slingshots and dents and paint chips and more dents. Dark balconies, grapes, grape nuts, Apple jacks?? Wait there was a lot of grapes in the trees, and the swimming pool and the hot tubs and the satellite and the towel hanging rack thing and M&M pretzel balls and loud “Thwacking sounds”. I must have been hallucinating….exploding grapes, grapes sliding across pool covers, must have been thousands of grapes. I tossed I turned, I tossed somemore. I couldn’t sleep until I discovered that the chocolate pretzels were poison.

After a night of poison injestion and hallucinations a now weary and worn threesome decided they needed to go into hiding. What better place than deep inside a copper mine, so deep that you had to take a train in. To mask our identities, should we have been followed, we donned hard hats and walked the dark tunnels, hiding amongst children and babies and men with very loud, very big drills. Luckily we didn’t need to use the “honeypot” as we had not thought to bring newspapers or catalogue pages.

Knowing now that a potential lawsuit may be pending and that we’d need a lot of money for lawyers we spent some time panning for gold, desperately trying to find nuggets large enough to hire the best attorneys. We then returned to the car for some bread and meat before heading back to Vancouver to drop off our victim and scope out his new home where he is in hiding (we figure 2 years should make the trail cold enough that he should be safe). We felt it better if we all split up so we snuck into a small Chinese establishment, some miles away. Still holding onto the evidence of adventure gone wrong, we later hid in a darkened movie theatre at “The Station”.  That is all I know..and care to remember! I’m pretty sure I’m innocent because I was drugged but the memories of that weekend haunt me still.

Swan Lake – Not the ballet!

Lookin at the Lake

With my pink tutu and my point slippers I set off on Sunday for my Swan Lake adventure. I snuck down the little path that isn’t really a proper path until I found the right path which was the wrong path because it was closed. Onwards I walked through the field until once again I found the path. There are lots and lots of little bridges and pier thingy’s and overhanging trees along the trail. I walked out onto the first pier thingy which is new so kinda looks modern and not at all quaint like the other rickety wooden bridges that have lots of character. I stopped to have my picture taken there for my blog but then I found a telescope thingy (not the star kind, just the view kind). I tried to get a view of the lake from it but since it was close it was easier just to look at it through my eyeballs.

My next stop along the trail was the nature centre with a variety of stuffed beavers (both dead and stuffed by some taxidermist – I don’t know what a dermist is and I never did see a taxi), and though I tried to hail a passing beaver not one stopped to pick me up. There was a turtle there who looked like he wanted out of his turtle enclosure. He told me he wanted to go back to the lake but had  also been unable to hail a beaver so was stuck in the nature centre. There was a display of stuff they pulled out of the lake like cars (okay there was no car there but there used to be cars in the lake) and stuff from the old winery and ice skates and china (not the country) and all sorts of stuff. I learned that in the olden times there was a hotel on the lake called….wait for it…the Swan Lake Hotel. It burned down though but I’ll have to see what I can find out about that.

After we saw a hummingbird (it wasn’t humming any songs I knew), we continued on until we found the green slime with the bubbles. They said they pump water in the lagoon to keep the mosquitoes away but I think that’s a cover for what’s really going on. Clearly there are green slime swamp monsters and the bubbles are from them breathing underwater. I looked really hard to see the swamp monsters and I recorded a movie in that spot (with me in it) that is now up on YouTube. You only need to type in Swan Lake and maybe Sannich or better yet just type in Baxterpoo.

We continued along the trail passing a man that was about 180 years old. He had no bum. How come old guys lose their bums? They have to pull their trousers up to their neck and suspend them over their shoulders to keep them from falling down. I wonder if there is a place somewhere that has all the missing old man bums? Maybe they recycle them and give them to fat ladies who seem to have extra bums. If you know where the missing old man bums go, please leave a comment. This is my latest scientific investigation and I could use some help.

Speaking of old missing bums we found some other bums on the path. These bums were named Roxanne (who just happens to be my step aunt cuz she’s my Mom’s stepsister) and Martin who is my step aunt’s husband. You just never know who you’re going to bump into at Swan Lake. Actually they live over on Mary Street which is the same street where the Ormond Biscuit Factory stood for like 50-60 years. They used to make cookies and chocolates and graham wafers and crackers and all sorts of stuff there. One of their cookies (the coconut ones) was pretty popular. I bet you didn’t know that I have one of the original coconut cookie molds right here in my house. See there was this guy, Ollie Ormond and he was Norman Luxton’s bestest friend. Norman was the guy that sailed in the Tilikum (on display at Victoria’s Maritime Museum). Anyway because my Mom wrote a book all about Norman she also wrote about Ollie and his cookie factory. That’s why the Ormond family gave her one of the original molds.

After the walk I was pretty tired cause we cleaned out the car trunk all morning so we just stayed home and blobbed in front of the TV. I tried to have a Monday adventure but it just rained and rained and rained. I wanted to buy a guitar but the shops were closed and then I wanted to see the new Ross Bay Villa but you had to stand in the pouring rain for an hour just to get in so we said, “No Way Jose!” which wasn’t the ticket lady’s name but I don’t care. Then to Toys R Us to buy little cars for our next video cuz we won the August movie contest so now we are trying to win September too cuz we’re greedy.

That’s it…big giant adventure next weekend, I promise.

Houseguests

Ah…the weekend. Sunday morning meant time for the filming of our last scene of “Sherlock Holmes- The Case of the Missing Beaver”. Then to the dubbing room (loft) to record silly voices, then some editing and voila (that’s French for “here ya go” or “here it is” or some such thing). Time to upload to FuddyTV our magificent epic tale of the beaver…well maybe not so epic but beaver’s do have tales..or tails. We promise to do better next time…really!

Okay so then we were on a movie role (which is nothing like a movie bun because there’s no such thing). So we journeyed to our local video store (by walking…my 10 km walk turned into 2 blocks…on well) and chose New York I Love You (strange little film but lots of big actors but it was strange) and The Tooth Fairy which actually had some smart bits but mostly a lot of silly bits (Julie Andrews, Billy Crystal, Ashley Judd (when did she get so old?) and Dwayne (I’ve got really huge white teeth) Johnson. Fairies and hockey…strange combination, definately not winning any Oscars.

Moving boldly to Monday I again scheduled a walk (for the old fat broad who lives with me) but foiled again in my attempt. You see everyday we find a small ant on our kitchen counter, sometimes two. We squish em and flush em an all’s well. So I was busy putting the clean dishes away and spotted one in the pot drawer (not that kind of pot you nasty BC Bud loving zombies), then another one, and another one, and another one, and several of their friends and extended relatives. Ah..ha..so this is where they have been hiding. Illegal immigrants in the country of Minekitchenland (insert national anthem here). These nasty foreigners (mostly male, couple of women and children to try to claim refugee status) had obviously arrived on my shores quite recently but had sent in an advance team to locate suitable hiding places and food. Because I am the facsist dictator of the country of Minekitchenland I called in my army of one and necessary extermination supplies (one bottle of Fantasic, one roll toilet paper, large roll paper towels, dish washer, sink of soapy water, dish rack…jeez this extermination business is pricey…better up the taxes and bail out a few banks and heads of business). Setting my army to work they were ordered to kill all illegal immigrants on site either by the squish and flush method (personal favorite, love hearing them scream) or the spray, drown and wipe up method. Problem is there might be more of these terrorist cells and they are hiding in caves (cracks behind the counter) I have yet to locate the leader. My equipment is not as effective as I’d hoped so I also have a team trying to locate weapons of mass ant destruction but so far we have been unsucessful. My primary goal now is to cut off their food supply and starve them out (just like Fort Sumpter during the Civil War…look it up you might learn something). This means a thorough cleaning of every nook and grannie (“Oh dear you mean crannie”). No grannie I mean you, get in the tub. You can’t trust those liberal grannies who want to welcome the illegal immigrants into the country. “Poor dears….look at those innocent little baby ants with their sweet faces”. Shuddup grannie! “But there’s girl ants and little children ants!” Shuddup grannie! “Oh but lets teach them English and support them financially for the rest of their lives so they can bring over all the other ants and take over Minekitchenland. Yes little Baxter, you work so they don’t have to and as thanks they will destroy your culture and blow up your cities”. Shuddup grannie! “But eventually they will take your jobs so you’ll be poor and starving…then you can retire because there are no jobs and you will die because there is no food…would’t that make you happy?” Shuddup grannie! “And you can wear a turban which will make your neck hurt and put bags over all the ladies heads so you don’t have to look at them” Shuddup grannie! “But eventually you will be their slaves and if you are lucky they will torture you and kill you…they enjoy stoning the ladies I understand”. Shuddup grannie!

And that was my weekend…I wish you a pleasant and bug free week.